


Throw Yourself in the Midst of Danger

by yowzahsweetie



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3894784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yowzahsweetie/pseuds/yowzahsweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt and Alex meet together again at a fan event. They haven't seen each other in years. Their lives have taken drastically altered turns since they last were together. </p>
<p>Thankfully due to a red-eye flight, there aren’t too many people around – which, thankfully – means no gawkers. Matt is just too tired to deal with that now. He loves his fans of course.  They are his lifeblood and still keep him going all these years after his reign on the show ended. But his mind has been elsewhere lately. For the past several weeks, as a matter of fact. No matter how hard he’s tried to dismiss it with realities, it all just keeps circling back around. To her. Always to her. Even now.</p>
<p>Inspired by the song "Elephants" by Rachel Yamagata (helps if you listen to it prior to reading!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this piece many many moons ago, and thought I owed it to the lingering Mattex fans (and myself, let's be honest) to finish it. Just a short mini-series of four parts. Please enjoy!

“Have you seen it?” Karen asks inquisitively as they try to inconspicuously make their way out of the gate and down to the baggage area. Thankfully due to a red-eye flight, there aren’t too many people around – which, thankfully – means no gawkers. Matt is just too tired to deal with that now. He loves his fans of course.  They are his lifeblood and still keep him _going_ all these years after his reign on the show ended.

But his mind has been elsewhere lately. For the past several weeks, as a matter of fact. No matter how hard he’s tried to dismiss it with realities, it all just keeps circling back around.

To her. Always to her. Even now.

“Seen what?” he replies, distracted at the baggage carousel looking for their luggage as one bag after another falls in front of him.

Karen, eyes glued to her phone, scrolls mindlessly as she answers him. “The social media frenzy that’s been created from The Doctor and his Wife appearing together once again.” She pauses a beat only to add, under her breath, “Well – more like you and Alex.”

Matt scoffs as he grabs a hold of his bag and hauls it off the carousel, dumping it at his feet. His eyes still forward, now searching for Karen’s bag so they can get out of here and get to the hotel and _sleep_.

Oh, who was he kidding – there’s no way he’ll be able to sleep. His conscious mind is plagued with thoughts of her and surely he knows his dreams will be much the same.

“C’mon Kaz, you know I don’t read that rubbish,” he says flippantly. “And neither should you.”

She puts one hand up in mock surrender. “I’m just saying,” she retorts playfully. “People are going nuts over you two being together at an appearance again.”

Matt adjusts the glasses on the bridge of his nose and calculatedly tries not to show a reaction. “Yeah,” is all he manages to blurt out before he catches a glimpse of Karen’s bag and retrieves it. He turns to her, placing the suitcase at her feet and arching his eyebrows. “Ready?”

They begin walking, making their way to the awaiting car and driver. Karen slips her phone in her pocket and looks sideways over her shoulder in his direction. “And what about you?”

He knows where she’s going with this, and decisively opts to play stupid and not give in to this game again. “What about me?” he asks rhetorically, glancing over to her. She rolls her eyes, frustrated he’s being so closed off with her – but decides to pursue it anyway.

“How do you feel about being with Alex again?” When she is met only with silence, she winces thinking she’s pushed him too far. “It’s been a long time,” she offers quietly – an effort to dull whatever sting the subject still attacks him with.

They finally arrive to the car and the driver begins to load their bags into the trunk. Matt turns to Karen and shrugs, a plastic smile covering his face. “I’m fine. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, Kaz. It’ll be great. Just too bad Arthur couldn’t make it.” He ducks his head and climbs in the back seat, leaving Karen frustrated with how quickly and easily he closes himself off whenever the subject of Alex comes up. She exhales with a sigh and climbs in after him, deciding for now to let it go and see how the weekend plays out.

Matt and Karen arrive to the hotel, checking in and making their separate ways to their respective rooms. Walking into the empty room and taking a brief glance around, Matt falls with a huff face-first onto the bed, landing with a thump. Due to the time of the flight and time zone change, they have a whole day until the beginning of the convention. He knows Karen will use it to sleep. That woman could sleep in the middle of a busy highway on a normal day – let alone after this kind of jetlag.

Matt, on the other hand – knows he _needs_ to sleep, but just… _can’t_. Too many thoughts in his head, too many emotions in his heart, adding up to too much anxiety to be able to rightfully sleep. He knew. He’d tried. He thinks to call Lily, and glances at the clock – _no, too late_ – he surmises. With a heavy sigh he rights himself up to a sitting position on the bed. He needs a distraction. Something for his mind to fixate on. Or, alternatively, something to _numb_ his mind completely.

He looks down at the time on his phone. It’s after noon. Not _completely_ out of the question to enjoy a drink and blur his current reality just a bit. Before he can second-guess himself he grabs his room key and bolts out of the door, into the elevator, and down to the bar. It is mostly empty, which he finds himself grateful for. He orders his beer, downing it rather quickly, only to nurse the second one a little bit more. With his eyes glued to the football game on the television in front of him, he is completely tuned out and doesn’t see her approach in his peripheral vision.

“Fancy a drinking partner?”

He nearly chokes mid-swallow when he hears her voice – that smoky, sultry without effort voice that knocks the wind out of him nearly every time he hears it echo in his ear.

“Alex! Hi, hi-” he stammers while patting himself and the small spot of the bar in front of him with a napkin.

She laughs haughtily and playfully, covering her mouth with her hand. “Some things really never change, do they?”

He turns his head and meets her smiling eyes, and lord – he can’t help himself – he laughs, too, wholly and soulfully and for the first time in a long time feels lighter than air.

“You just took me by surprise, is all.” He chortles as he stands to greet her properly. He steps to her, opening his arms wide. In turn she does the same. He reaches under her arms and she circles his neck as they embrace, holding each other once again.

It feels like magic. It feels like too long has passed. It feels like home.

Matt turns his head into her neck and breathes her in slowly, subconsciously tightening his grip around her waist. He lifts up ever so slightly and her feet are off the ground and though he can’t see her face, she is smiling and holding his shoulders securely. After realizing quickly that the moment has passed its point of going for too long, he sets her down gently and reluctantly removes his hands from her waist – sighing gently in disappointment when her hands trail from his neck and he’s once again out of reach of her touch.

“Join me,” he offers with a stoic cheerfulness. “Let me buy you a drink.”

Alex pulls out the barstool next to him, plopping her purse down in front of her. “Don’t mind if I do, actually,” she says flatly. “What a day.”

“Yeah I didn’t know when you’d be getting in…long flight?”

She rolls her eyes in frustration and the corners of his mouth turn upwards into a small smile. He’d not forgotten all her small idiosyncrasies, her little facial expressions and nuances that make her so… _her_. But getting to see them in action again, in person, lights fireworks inside him that he _had_ forgotten could exist. He snaps out of his own head and realizes he’d accidentally completely tuned out the first part of what she was saying, and tries to catch up with her story.

“And I’m just so, so tired and _needing_ proper sleep, but just can’t seem to rest the _inside_ of my head well enough to do it. So I thought a small cocktail might suffice…and lo and behold, look who I find,” she says with a smile.

Matt gestures the bartender over and watches as Alex orders a Bloody Mary with extra spice. He takes another sip of his drink. “Bloody Mary’s still your favorite eh? I remember how you used to always love those with breakfast food.”

“Sugar and spice nev-”

“Never tasted so nice,” he finishes for her. “I remember it well.” He says the last part with a touch of wistful longing and an awkward silence wedges between them for a brief moment before her drink arrives. He holds his glass in her direction. “Well? Cheers.”

“Cheers,” she clinks her glass with his. “One more go ‘round for the Doctor and his Wife,” she murmurs before taking a long sip of her drink. Matt nearly chokes again, but instead swallows the hard lump in his throat, as he realizes those were the exact same words Kaz had read to him earlier. Had Alex been reading up on all that social media nonsense? He knew she was fairly new to the whole thing, but just figured she didn’t actually _partake_ in any of it. What does he say to that? How does she expect him to respond? Did she read all the ardent gossip about _herself_ and he being together again? His stomach immediately ties into a thousand knots and he shifts uncomfortably.

“So where’s Karen?” Alex asks, changing the subject – Matt wondering if on purpose, wondering if she noticed his tense frame. Regardless, he’s thankful for the distraction.

“Uh, sleeping would be my guess.” He chuckles softly. “You know her.”

Alex’s lips curl into a smile. “That girl could outsleep a bear in hibernation.” Matt nods furiously, ordering another round for them – silently pausing to ask her for permission with his eyes. She nods back as she sucks a liquor-soaked olive off the end of the toothpick from her now empty drink. She hums in appreciation and he watches her out of the corner of his eye, watching that delectable mouth…hearing the small moan from the back of her throat…remembering…

And cursing silently at the gods above.

“So you two flew in together then, from LA?” she inquires.

“Yeah, yeah. Nice to have a travel partner.”

Alex nods and sips some more. “And…” she pauses. “Other things? Going well?”

He knows what she means immediately. Lily. Though admittedly he’s partly surprised she’s asking in such a roundabout way. Alex was never the type to beat around the bush. She’s always been very direct with him…sometimes to the point of murder. Sometimes to the point of squeezing every last drop of blood his heart had to offer. It makes him think something else is going on with her. Perhaps something she doesn’t want to talk about. Or maybe, perhaps something she _does_ want to talk about but doesn’t want to bring up. He’s not sure anymore. He used to be able to read her like a book, inside and out. She’s still the same Alex, of course. But things have just…changed. Their relationship, changed. Not necessarily worse for wear, he notes to himself, but time has a funny way of catching up and unravelling you all at once. That ease they once had, the gentle nuance of spending your days with the same people and watching them and _knowing_ them…had simply slipped away. They’d spent too much time apart. And though he is aware they’ve already fallen into a pattern of familiarity in just the short time they’ve spent together now, there exists just a fine, misting layer of doubt that encircles him - encircles them.

“Ah,” he takes a breath before answering. “Fine…fine. Things are good.” There. Short and to the point. If she wanted to know more she’d truly just ask, right?

Alex smiles wistfully in his direction. “Good,” she says softly.

Matt waits a beat, unsure whether to ask the question. Unsure whether he wants to hear the answer. _Fuck it_ , he thinks, his inhibitions slowly slipping away as each empty bottle passes through his lips.

“And you?” he asks her. “How are _things_?”

She purses her lips at him – not angrily – but rather playful, _flirty_ even. Like the Alex he remembers. _His_ Alex. “ _Things_ are good,” she surmises before taking another, long, sip of her drink, nearly emptying it. He eyes her pensively, waiting to see if she’ll finish her thought. Knowing there’s much more behind that thought than she’s letting on. Like turning the page to his favorite book…waiting for more.

“I’m getting married again,” she blurts out as she stares into the emptiness of her glass, using the straw to play with the remaining ice and push it down – a nervous habit he knew all too well. She can’t look at him… _won’t_ look at him. Why? He waits for her to press on, waits for her to turn her head to him and smile with glee. But she doesn’t. She simply keeps staring a burning hole into that damned glass.

She’s waiting for _him_ to say something.

He’s gutted. Surely, logically, he shouldn’t be. They were never betrothed to each other, they never made promises out loud to each other. What they’d had were late night conversations that prolonged over hours against the sunrise. Flirtatious banter that always blurred the lines of appropriate and wanting. Advice seeking. A shoulder to cry on. An intimacy of two hearts and souls that no one, even themselves, dared speak of or recognize. It was always just under the surface. There was the kiss – the one time they’d thrown all caution to the wind and went for it – it was passion and brilliance, longing and need, love and desire all at once. They’d been interrupted before it could go any further, and never spoke of it and never came close to it again. There had been only slight awkwardness, but neither wanted it to ruin the closeness they’d shared. Once they’d went their own way down each other’s respective career path, he understood that he’d lost all hope of what never was. So he moved on. And he knew she did, too. And of course he was happy for her. In the end that’s all he’d ever wanted – for her to be happy. So why wasn’t she now? And just what the hell was she waiting for him to say?

“Congratulations,” he whispers softly, the hoarseness of his voice betraying his words.

Finally she looks at him. “Thank you,” she returns quietly, but intently, saying thank you as much with her eyes as with her voice.

Another round of drinks arrives and the curtain begins to fall, letting words come more easily and slight touches more often. They laugh; they flirt; it is exactly how he remembers and it fills him entirely.

“So come on then,” he urges her. “Tell me. How do you feel about the whole thing?”

“What, getting married for a _third_ time?” she jokes. “I feel like quite the spinster.”

“Well c’mon now…you know what they say. Third time’s the charm, yeah?”

Alex eyes him almost mischievously, with that hidden sparkle deep behind her eyes that he used to swear was just for him. There was the public Alex…and the Alex with friends and family and out of the public eye…and then there was _his_ Alex. Once upon a time, at least, he could call her his.

His Alex. Full of fire and passion both when she was happy _and_ cross with him. His Alex. Able to banter and sass him and get him riled to the point of madness. His Alex.  Soft and tender and gentle, exposing the innermost parts of herself to him when least expected and showing a vulnerable side very few ever had the privilege to see.

_His_ Alex. God, he missed her.

“Something like that,” she responds softly, quietly, and – he senses – almost wistfully. A stillness falls upon them like a low fog, and Matt catches himself gazing upon her…staring into the eyes he once thought he could get lost in forever. And no matter how much his mind screams at him to look away, to look _anywhere_ other than at her, he can’t. He feels himself drawn in again. Only he thinks to himself, in a moment of clarity, that she is staring _back_. A thousand words are being spoken in the silence, between their eyes, between their hearts. Words they never dared say out loud to each other. Words they never dared say out loud, to anyone, period.

Alex is the first to break the peaceful grace. Unknowingly and unwittingly, she’d rested her hand upon his thigh at some point in the conversation. She looks down, waiting a beat, and Matt meets her glance. He’s about to rest his hand over hers when she swiftly pulls it away, fluffing her hair and downing the last of her drink before righting herself into a standing position. “Well then,” she exhales, gathering her things together. “I think those might’ve done the trick to get me to sleep for a bit,” as she nods toward the empty glass.

And there it is. Her defenses raised again like a castle door. The distance she’s trying to establish now like a mile long moat.

Matt finishes the last of his drink as well, paying the bar tab and standing to face her. “Thank you for the company,” he says with a reserved smile. He is admittedly a bit tipsy, and imagines she is as well – yet both remain tight-lipped and hands kept to themselves in a state of slight awkwardness.

“I missed you,” she lets slip, and quickly follows up with “this. I missed this.” Her lips are pursed and cheeks are flush as she glances at the floor, obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable.

“Hey-” he says as he steps toward her, and before she realizes what’s happening his arms are around her waist again and wrapping around her in a tight hug. “Me too,” his lips whisper in her ear before burying his head in the crook of her neck and breathing her in again. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever have this chance again and he’ll be damned if he misses the opportunity to hold her one last time like this. Her arms tighten around him, too, squeezing his shoulders with her fingers and he lets out a thankful breath of relief. Whatever this is with her – whatever it has been in the past and whatever it shakes out to be in the future - in this moment, he knows they’ll always share a special, unbreakable bond in the deepest recesses of their hearts and subconscious.

He lets her go slowly, reluctantly. The last thing he wants is to make her more uncomfortable. Smiling down upon her glowing, beautiful face, he figures now is as good a time as any for a badly placed joke. “Need help finding your room, Kingston?”

She laughs out loud and smiles a true smile, and it is like Matt is taken back years in time. “Naughty boy,” she chuckles haughtily. “I think I can manage just fine, thank you.”

“Worth a try,” he flirts back with a wink and grabs a toothpick from the bar, placing it between his teeth and physically distancing himself from her. “Always worth a try.”

Alex places her purse strap over her shoulder and turns to walk with him to the elevators. “That’s one thing about you. You never quit trying,” she says with a smile and cheeks still crimson red.

Hands in his pockets, he bashfully ticks his head to one side and chews on his toothpick. “And one thing about you. You always remember.”

Standing in front of the elevators and waiting for the doors to open, she turns to face him. “Special things always deserve remembering.” He’s about to speak when he hears the ding and extends his hand in front of her allowing her to enter first. Stepping in after her, he thanks the gods above there are other people in the lift with them, none of whom seem to recognize either of them. At the very least, the added company halts him from saying or _doing_ anything he’ll remarkably regret later.

The elevator stops at the fifth floor and she steps forward. She pauses as if debating what to say, and quickly glancing at the others patiently waiting for their stops, keeps it simple. “See you tomorrow, then?”

“I’ll look forward to it,” he says, also simple and to the point, but with a soft voice and kind eyes. She begins to walk away and glances over her shoulder one last time in his direction before the doors close and he hangs his head.

“Bugger,” he mutters under his breath. His mind races at a thousand beats per second and though he’d hoped the alcohol would quell the internal carousel, her presence and their interaction has only amplified it. The eighth floor dings and he steps out to walk to his room when suddenly his phone chirping in his back pocket makes him jump. He arrives at his room while simultaneously pulling out his phone and exhales exasperatedly when glancing at it, thumping his forehead against the door as he answers.

“Hey, Lil.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Alex, together again. If that’s what people are talking about and excited about, he can absolutely deliver that. He smiles to himself because he knows, too, that Alex will play along. Though he might pay for it afterward, it is a risk he is willing to take for one more breath of what it used to be with them. What it could have been.

He couldn’t sleep at all. Though he practically forced himself to close his eyes and managed _some_ sleep off and on for about two hours, the restlessness pecked away at him like slowly falling raindrops. It’s the first of the two days of the con and he is up before the sun even awakens – roaming the streets, walking with his thoughts. He watches as the shops open one by one. He injects himself with several cups of coffee to ready for the long day ahead. Though he finds himself in the midst of a never-ending well of feelings and anxiety, he also feels excited. Excited that he’ll once again get to see her…share a stage with her…engage in flirting with her – all in the name of “for the fans.” That is, after all, what they expected, was it not? That’s what Kaz had alluded to in the rubbish gossip talk he’d barely digested at the airport. Matt and Alex, together again. If that’s what people are talking about and excited about, he can _absolutely_ deliver that. He smiles to himself because he knows, too, that Alex will play along. Though he might pay for it afterward, it is a risk he is willing to take for one more breath of what it used to be with them. What it could have been.

On his way back to the hotel and in mid-sip of his third coffee, Matt halts in front of a window of a shop. He stares at the object in the window for several minutes, reading the accompanying description. Without hesitation he walks in and purchases it, walking out with bag in hand and a clever grin bestowed upon his lips.

Back in the hotel now and in the ballroom, Matt heads to the backstage area where Karen nearly attacks him. “There you are! We’ve all been wondering where you up and disappeared to.”

Matt shrugs. “Just been walking around, is all. Seeing the sights.”

“And you don’t answer your phone, dummy?”

At that he sheepishly looks away. “Sorry, yeah. I, uh – I think I had it on silent and forgot to switch it back on.”

Karen eyes him curiously but decides for the moment to let it go. “Well, they need to suit you up with a mic, so – you better hurry.”

“Right. Yeah. Thanks Kaz.” He starts to walk past her but is stopped as she grabs him by the wrist, noticing the gift bag dangling in his hand.

“What’s that?” she asks inquisitively.

“Oh-” he begins and quickly shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing really, just something I saw while walking. Souvenir, I guess you could say.” He laughs, trying to act normal and failing miserably. Karen notices this, too.  She squares to face him, squinting at near-eye level with him. “I don’t know what’s up with you, and for now I’m going to pretend it’s none of my business. But you’re a terrible liar.” She raises her eyebrows to send her point across before walking off and Matt lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in.

He barely has time to register how to handle Karen when he catches a glimpse of Alex in the distance. He begins to make his way toward her when he hears his name called out again. Annoyed, he turns in the direction it was called to face one of the sound techs. “We need to get you mic’d up, Matt.”

He nods and holds up a hand. “I know, I know. Just – just give me a minute, yeah? I’ll be right back.”

Without even waiting for an acknowledgement, he turns on his heels and his eyes search everywhere for her again. Surely she is hard to miss. That hair…those eyes…that laugh. He could spot her in a crowd of a million people. He scans the area where he last saw her and begins to grow frustrated. His hands ball into fists and he lets out a string of curse words under his breath when he feels a hand on the back of his shoulder.

“My god, what now?” he blurts out as he whirls around, only to find her staring at him and jumping back a little at his outburst.

“Sorry,” she mutters. “I heard you were nowhere to be found earlier. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She’s standoffish. She’s defensive.

“No, Alex,” he starts, immediately in an apologetic tone. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been looking for you this whole time and keep getting distracted by one thing after another. I didn’t know it was you behind me just now. I’m sorry,” he repeats.

She softens a bit. He can tell immediately…her lips don’t purse as tight. Her eyebrow unfurrows. Her eyes turn from wild to kind. “It’s quite alright. But why were you looking for me?” she questions.

Matt looks around at their surroundings. He can’t do this here. Even though it’s innocent and for all intents and purposes _friendly_ , he just needs them to have a little more privacy. He pulls her gently by the elbow to the edge of a curtain where the foot traffic is inherently less obtrusive. Her brow furrows again, and not in anger this time – but rather in concern. “Matt? Is everything ok?”

He nods fervently. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s good. I just got you something and wanted to give it to you before the show starts.” He holds up the bag by the handles in the space between their chests.

She looks down at it. “You got me something? Wh…why?” she stammers.

He smiles to try to reassure her. “Don’t get all twisted about it, Kingston. I just saw it and thought of you, is all. It was too good to pass up.” Though she takes the bag by its handles now, she still just stares at it like she cannot comprehend how to respond. “Alex. Just open it,” he says in a low, soft voice.

Unable to help herself, Alex smiles as she takes the box out of the bag. She’s always loved getting unexpected gifts. And Matt, especially, was prone to bestowing random gifts upon her when she least expected it. A book of poetry; a painting; some rare crystal with an even rarer significance. He was always doing things like that back when…well. Back when they were closer. Back when they were…whatever they were. She shakes her head of those thoughts and tries to look at this for exactly as he put it – nothing more, nothing less. Certainly nothing that _means_ anything.

Alex pulls the top off the box to find a beautiful silver necklace with a finely cut and intricate elephant pendant hanging at the bottom. She pulls the necklace from the box and holds it in her hand, running a delicate finger over the pendant. “Oh Matt – it’s beautiful. Thank you so much!” she says with true appreciation and meaning. Though she doesn’t know what in the world made him think of _her_ when he saw this, she genuinely loves that he _did_ think of her and that in itself is the true gift reflected in the physical item.

“Did you know the elephant is one of the gentlest creatures on the earth?” he asks her.

She looks up at him. “No…no, I didn’t actually.”

He continues. “This animal…this _being_ that is larger than life and could kill you simply by stepping on you…is one of the most caring, comforting and kindest animals to ever exist.” Her eyes glaze over with unshed tears. She knows in an instant he’s comparing this to her, the representation glaringly clear. She’s about to open her mouth to say something, anything – when he continues on again, stepping even closer to her. “Elephants also have incredible memories,” he says in a low voice. He’s invading her personal space, not inappropriately, but in a way that she welcomes and simultaneously makes her tremble. “Some say they remember everything, their whole lives, good and bad. Imagine that.” He takes the necklace from her hands and walks around to her back, undoing the clasp and lowering it to her neck. By the grace of god she isn’t wearing some huge necklace today like she sometimes chooses to wear. Matt laughs internally at his luck at that. As the cool silver gentles against her breastbone, he bends his head to her ear as he works to close the clasp once more. “Imagine being able to remember all the good, and all the bad…and still be gentle and kind,” he says with a whisper. He lifts her hair to let the chain settle around her neck and gives her shoulders a light squeeze before backing away a few steps.

She brings two fingers to where the pendant lies before turning around to face him. She’s admittedly and visibly stunned and, with lips parted, is unable to find the proper words. “Thank you,” she says breathlessly. “It’s beautiful. Even more so now.” They stand, staring at each other again, falling into the void that so often bellows their names.

“There’s uh…there’s a little inscription, too, that comes in the box. Along with the story of the elephant. Don’t throw it away before reading it, okay?”  Matt swallows hard as Alex nods and searches his eyes.

“Matt!”

His trance is snapped, broken – and turns his head to see Karen staring at the two of them with a cautious look in her eye. Alex is shaken out of her state, too, and plasters on a smile in Karen’s direction.

“We’re about to be on in ten minutes. The sound guys are going nuts. Go get mic’d up, will you?” Karen says both pleading and scolding.

“Yeah! Course.” He begins to walk away and glances back to Alex one more time with an easy grin. Karen catches Alex’s nervous eyes for a beat before turning around to catch up with Matt.

“What the hell are you doing?” she hisses, pinching his arm forcefully in frustration.

“Ouch!” he shrieks. “What are you _talking_ about?”

She points a finger at him and in an effort to keep her cool wits about her, looks around to make sure no one is watching this conversation unfold. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. That. Back there. With Alex.”

“What about it?”

She wants to hit him. She wants to hit him as hard as she possibly can. But not now, and especially not here. Instead, she gives the sound tech a warning look to back off and give them a moment, to which he rolls his eyes exasperatedly before walking away again. Karen gets as close to Matt as possible so he can hear her and see her and truly understand. “I’m the last person you get to play dumb with, okay? Don’t be so quick to forget that I _saw_ what happened with the two of you last time. I saw how it played out. And I saw the aftermath. And as much as you’d like to think you hide it? I know how you get around her.” He’s darting his focus everywhere but her face and though he _hears_ her, he doesn’t want to listen. “But Matt…” she grabs a hold of his wrist and it somehow forces him to face her. Her eyes are serious and full of concern, but her voice turns soft. “She’s engaged. To be married. And you have a girlfriend. If it wasn’t the right timing and circumstances back then…it sure as hell isn’t now.”

His heart sinks. He knows that. Truly, in the deepest part of his heart he _knows_ all that. But hearing it out loud somehow just made it all very, very real. The light and airy feeling he’d held mere moments ago now has given way to him feeling completely gutted from the inside out. Karen was right – what the _hell_ had he been thinking? Not that the gift was necessarily _romantic_ at all. No…the gift was truly something he thought belonged to her once he saw it. But his feelings and his actions toward her all simply set up a perfect house of cards on top of an already shaky table - ready to crumble at a whisper of a breath.

Instead he simply nods in Karen’s direction. “I know,” he says with a croak.

“You know I love the both of you and I just-”

“I _know_ , Karen,” he says forcefully and in a way that tells her to stop right there.

“Okay then. I’ll see you out there.” He watches her walk away and gestures to the sound tech to finally do his job and flutters his eyes closed as he thinks about how to go forward. What does he say? How does he act?

Letting out a big exhale of a sigh, Matt furiously runs his hands through his hair. The sound tech finishes and Matt lifts his head to see Alex in the distance, in a corner, alone…slowly fingering the silver adorning her neck. Almost telepathically, she lifts her eyes to his, her lips curling at each corner, wild eyes throwing that ember of a spark. He smiles tenderly back in her direction, acknowledging her.

And in that moment, he feels himself torn to shreds all over again, watching her feast over him, laughing as the blood slowly drains from his body and stains her lips – all the while never knowing any better. As she breaks their glance he inhales sharply and stalks over to the other side of the stage, ready as ever just to get this over with and back to his normal life. He hears the announcer begin to make introductions. Alex first, then Karen.  Finally, he hears his name and makes his way to the bright lights of the stage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the most part, the first day went brilliantly. They flirted. They bantered. They were perfectly in sync with one another, just as they’d always been before. The crowd went wild for Alex, just as he’d expected they would…as they always did.
> 
> And then came the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all for reading/commenting!

For the most part, the first day went brilliantly. There were so many fans present, all cheering and clamoring and applauding at practically everything they’d said. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like, having been away from this scene for awhile. There were the expected requisite questions about The Doctor and his wife reuniting once again, to which he and Alex played it up perfectly, garnering waves upon waves of thundering applause and hollering. They flirted. They bantered. They were perfectly in sync with one another, just as they’d always been before. The crowd went wild for Alex, just as he’d expected they would…as they always did.

And then came the question.

It’s typical that personal questions find their way into this realm, weaved in between other questions about their respective characters. And sure enough, it happened here. Someone asked Alex how excited she was to be getting married again.

It was a dagger to his heart.

He’d kept a smile plastered on his face throughout the whole exchange, but inside he was dying a slow death. He berated himself for it – he shouldn’t be feeling this way. He has his path in life, and she has hers. She is obviously happy. And, for the most part, so is he. On the rare occasion their two paths intersect is when he finds himself both the happiest and most miserable, all at the same time. Being in her presence feels like discovering water in a parched desert…only to try to hold it in his hands and discover it is simply a mirage.

So he’d sat and listened as she beamed about her upcoming nuptials, only sharing that yes, she was very happy and yes, the third time’s the charm. Finally, when the last question had been answered and they’d made their way off the stage, Matt tries to make a beeline out of the room to disappear. He wants to be alone. Needs to be alone to right his head again.

“Well, that was fun!”

He whirls around to see Alex and Karen standing before him, seemingly coming out of nowhere. Alex is positively glowing. “What do you both say to drinks? Like old times? My treat!”

Karen eyes Matt cautiously but careful not to give anything away. She’s about to decline on both their behalves when Matt pipes in with a “sure! Sounds great!” and a smile that gives his whole heart away.

“Okay – let me just make a quick phone call and I’ll meet you in the lobby…say, 10 minutes?”

Matt and Karen nod and watch Alex flit away. Turning on her heels with eyebrows raised to him questioningly, Matt simply shakes his head non-chalantly. “It’s just drinks, Kaz.”

“Yeah and it was _just_ a souvenir I saw you putting around her neck earlier,” she pokes back.

He shakes his head again. “I thought about what you said. And you’re right. I’m backing off and letting her go. But honestly, when do the three of us ever get to be together?”

Karen squints her eyes at him, mumbling under her breath as she gathers her things.

“What was that?” Matt asks jokingly.

She deadpans. “I said you’ll never be able to let her go.” He flinches a bit in response. “I’m sorry, I’m not saying that to hurt you. I just don’t want to see _you_ hurt again. Either of you.”

Matt softens, absorbing the truth and sincerity in her words. “No need to worry about that. Let’s just go have a good time, yeah?”

They meet and decide to stay in the hotel bar, even though trails of fans continue to approach them for autographs, photo ops, and the like. After a couple hours, however, the spectators die down and the people left in the bar seemingly don’t care about the trio. Several rounds of drinks and food have passed and they sit, laughing themselves to tears over memories and nostalgia, and catching up on each other’s lives in the present time. Matt, having already heard Alex’s story, chooses to focus all his attention on the plate of food in front of him while she talks. He can’t hear it again. Zoning out is definitely the best option.

As the hour passes midnight, Karen expresses her exhaustion and stands to leave to ready herself for the next long day. “Yes, you’re probably right,” Alex agrees with a warm hug and a smile. “I think I’ll finish up the last of my drink and head up myself. I’ll be paying for this in the morning.” Matt stays silent but it’s clear he’s not ready to leave just yet either.

“Please,” Karen scoffs. “You look ridiculously perfect as it is, woman. You need to give me your secret.” With another quick hug and a sideways, concerned glance in Matt’s direction, Karen turns to leave. He gives her a quick reassuring nod of the head and takes his seat again across from Alex.

“How about you?” Alex asks him. “Sticking around for an even worse hangover in the morning?” she laughs and mindlessly plays with the pendant around her neck, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Matt. He grins lightly.

“Nah, I’ll probably hit it too. Haven’t been sleeping much,” he says in an off-the-cuff way.

“I noticed.”

His head snaps to attention. “Look that bad, eh?”

She laughs her deep, guttural, insatiable way that drives him mad with love and desire. “No, I just know you. Even after all this time. I still see the way your eyes work.”

He panics. His mind races. Does she know then, through his eyes, how desperately in love with her he still is? How his little gifts were always a token, a representation, of that love? How there was always a deeper meaning behind them? He sighs to himself. Of course she knows. She’s always known. He’s never been able to hide it well and she’d always just…well, he doesn’t know that part. Played along, he supposes.

Alex breaks the silence. “Walk me to my room?” He eyes her curiously. There’s no flirtation in her voice. No wildness behind her eyes. It’s not an invitation for more. It’s truly as if she just wants to spend a little more time with him. And how could he deny her that? Deny _himself_ that? He downs his drink and stands, walking to pull out her chair. As she stands she wobbles slightly and falls into him. He catches her with his chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulder for support. “You alright there, Kingston? One too many?”

She playfully swats at his chest with her free hand. “Just haven’t eaten much today. I can walk perfectly fine,” she jokes as they walk and he holds her close.

“Yeah, I know. But I like this better.”

In a soft voice, so quiet she thinks he can’t hear her, she replies. “Me too.”

But he does hear her, and squeezes his grip around her shoulder a little more tightly to bring her in even closer to him.

They approach the door leading to her room and Alex grabs the key card from her purse, reluctantly separating herself from his touch and feeling the absence of it immediately. She turns to face him, her back to the door, and they stare at each other in silence for what seems like an eternity. He smiles down upon her face, admiring her radiant beauty, and whispers “c’mere” as he opens his arms wide to embrace her. Alex immediately wraps her arms around his waist as his encircle her shoulders and he dips his head to again bury his face in her neck. His lips rest against the skin there, not moving – but the mere contact sends electricity racing through him. In the haze of his head, his conscious mind is shouting at him to walk away _now_ …yet his body and heart cannot bring himself to tear away from her. Before he even knows what he’s doing his lips press together against the side of her neck, softly kissing her, inhaling the scent that is perfume mixed with the smell that is just _her_. His lips part slightly and he kisses her again, and again, only moving in incremental inches around the same area.

Alex doesn’t resist nor protest. If anything she leans her head to the side unwittingly to give him more room to explore her. Growing bolder now, his kisses become fuller of intent, more brazen…moving across the smooth line between her neck and shoulder, carefully darting out his tongue to satisfy the urge for even the smallest taste of her. She is breathing more heavily and noticeably now, as is he, exhaling hot breath against her that leads to an accidental moan escaping from the back of her throat.

Without moving from his position, his right arm reaches behind him to where her hands rest and he carefully slips the key card out of her fingers. Backing them up slowly, he inserts it into the slot and pushes the door open behind her. She breaks from him now, pulling back but not away, leaving her hands at his waist and searching his eyes. He glances quickly between eyes and lips and back again, as though he’s waiting for permission to devour her completely. The minute he sees her eyes focus on his lips, he crashes into her, hard and needy, and she desperately returns his urgency as they clumsily make their way into the room. The door isn’t closed but a second and he spins her around and pushes her against it, lips pressing into hers…hips pressing into hers…and her pressing back just as insistently. His hands reach for the sides of her face gently, cupping both sides of her jaw, then quickly sliding into her hair and pulling her head back, deepening the kiss. Her tongue matches his rhythm for rhythm. Her heart matches his beat for beat. As her hands slide up his strong back and pull him into her even more, they exist completely in sync and share each other’s breath because neither can stand the thought of breaking apart for even a moment.

When all of a sudden Alex breaks away with a loud gasp inward, Matt takes a step backward in alarm. “What? What is it?” he asks breathlessly.

Alex has to physically place her palms flat against the door behind her, as if to ground her and keep her from reaching for him. She looks at the floor and shakes her head several times before returning her eyes to his, now glassy and petrified – much like her own. “I can’t,” she’s barely able to whisper. “ _We_ can’t.”

It’s all she has to say. He knows. A small part of him desperately hoped that reason would fly out the window even if it meant facing regret tomorrow. Yet in this moment, reason wins. He bites the inside of his cheek and exhales, looking everywhere but at her.

“I know,” he states solemnly and sadly.

He doesn’t notice her slowly undoing the clasp and removing the necklace from where it hangs so perfectly against her chest. It’s not until her hand is outstretched with it in his direction does he do a double-take. “What are you doing?” he asks incredulously.

“Matt-” she begins. “I can’t accept this. I’m sorry.”

It’s like she landed a blow straight to his core. “That was a gift, Alex.”

“I know,” she says hesitantly. “But…”

“But what?” he reels, feeling himself getting angrier by the moment. “There’s no strings attached with it. It’s not like I gave you that and expected _this_.”

She rushes to reassure him but he backs away. “No, no, I know that…I do,” she urges. “It’s just…”

In a soft yet stern voice, Matt begs her to explain. “Out with it, Alex. It’s just what?”

Alex takes a deep breath. “You always used to get me things. Small things with large meaning. And I loved it, all of it. And let’s face it, we had something then. Something that neither of us ever talked about. But we don’t have that anymore.” Her last sentence, though said with utter care and gentleness, only the way Alex could, tears him apart.

The anger, the rejection, the undying love – all stew in him like a shaken bottle ready to explode. He needs to know, once and for all, how she’d felt all those years ago.

“What was it to you?”

She shakes her head gently. “I don’t understand.”

“You said we had something then. What was it to you? What did it mean to you?”

She takes a deep breath, obviously not expecting the question and not quite sure how to answer. She’s always been one to choose her words carefully and this time she needs to be especially careful. “It meant a great deal to me, Matt. I loved how close we were. The things we shared. I loved all of it.”

He chuckles disdainfully. “That’s a very vague way of answering.” She scoffs and opens her mouth to respond but he doesn’t let her. “Let me tell you what it meant to me. I loved you. Plain and simple as that. And I let it get too complicated… _we_ let it get too complicated. I take my part in that. I take my part in the fact that we lost touch, too. And you moved on. I get it. I did too. But I never, once, ever stopped loving you. Even still.”

“I had no _choice_ but to move on,” she says with a choked voice. “It became quite clear that you were headed in one direction in life and I in another. It never would have worked.”

“You never even gave it the chance to!” he fires back.

“Like you did?” Her eyes, wild now with passion and hurt and fear and anger are throwing daggers his way. “You say you loved me…yet never once did you _ever_ reveal your feelings for me. It was a guessing game! We slowly started fading apart and I thought that that was what you wanted. And even after I was gone you just let me go. Barely a murmur, hardly ever reaching out. That’s your version of loving me?” Her chest heaves heavily and her nostrils flare with every inflection of her voice.

His eyes reflect the wounded heart that lays deep in his chest, heavy, like being trapped in a cement vice. “Did you?” he asks softly, like a child. “Love me, I mean?”

She stares at him for several long seconds as the air around her suddenly gets dense and she finds it difficult to breathe evenly. “It doesn’t matter now,” she says shaking her head and placing a defensive hand on her hip.

“Did you love me?” he repeats the question, although this time in a pointedly sharp, bitter tone laced with vexation.

“Yes,” she admits tearfully.

He advances to her slowly, approaching her space again and not leaving much between them. He takes the hand holding the necklace off her hip and grasps it between his own, bringing it up to rest against his heart. “Do you still?”

A lone tear falls from the corner of her eye and she looks right through him, stoic, as if she expected the question this time. She answers flatly. “No. I just got caught up in the moment. Besides…I’m _with_ someone. And as I recall, so are you. There are only two ends to this dance…and we can’t keep doing this.”

Matt doesn’t know what he expected, though by the way he feels his heart shattering into a million pieces, it wasn’t this. Like a deflating balloon, his shoulders slump and he lets her hand fall as he steps backwards away from her. His lips purse and he swallows what feels like glass in his throat in order to try to keep it together for the next few seconds until he can escape this burning room and breathe again.

He makes a wide circle around her as he heads to the door. “Keep the necklace,” his voice betraying him with every word. “Wear it, trash it…I don’t care. But it belongs to you. The meaning behind it still stands.” He turns to leave but quickly remembers something and reaches in his back pocket. “Oh, and…you left the inscription I told you about in the bag.” He lays the card on the table beside her, tapping his finger to it pointedly. He has to keep his head down to avoid looking at her. “Has an even deeper meaning now,” he chokes out before turning on his heels quickly and exiting the room. He doesn’t even hear her calling out after him.

Alex closes her eyes and exhales shakily. She has to bite back her own tears that she feels pooling behind her eyes. How did this all suddenly happen? This was supposed to be a fun reunion. Old friends catching up. Not old near-lovers quarreling and walking away from each other once again. She huffs and picks up the card he left to read the stupid inscription for the stupid necklace…wondering why he feels it’s so damn important.

As soon as she reads it, the dam breaks and she crumbles to the floor in a pool of sadness and tears over what once was and what would never be…what he’d thought of her all these years versus what he thinks of her as of twenty minutes ago.

_If you have to take sides with the animals, won’t you do it with one who is kind?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it’s different. There is much less interaction between the two of them and she notices he pushes things in Karen’s direction every opportunity he gets. Even on stage in front of hundreds of people, he’s avoiding her. They have their moments of levity, of flirtatiousness even – but after all this time she still can read him and knows when he’s playing a part.
> 
> That’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s acting with her. Giving the fans what they want and nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and for reading! I really enjoyed writing this and the feedback is immensely humbling. Enjoy the last part!

Alex feels ragged the next day of the con. She is desperate to find him. She needs to explain herself and make this right with him. She searches everywhere but he is nowhere to be found. As time is winding down and things are about to get started, she eyes him across the room, being set up to go on stage. She’ll have no time to catch him and curses underneath her breath. After, then. She will do everything possible to corner him after.

This time it’s different. There is much less interaction between the two of them and she notices he pushes things in Karen’s direction every opportunity he gets. Even on stage in front of hundreds of people, he’s avoiding her. They have their moments of levity, of flirtatiousness even – but after all this time she still can read him and knows when he’s playing a part.

That’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s acting with her. Giving the fans what they want and nothing more.

For his part, Matt wants to jump out of his skin every time he has to look at her or talk to her today. He feels mortified and humiliated after their encounter last night. It all happened so quickly, and yet he felt like he was dying a slow death since the moment he left her room. He didn’t have ill will toward her – no, not even close. He knew, in his heart of hearts, that no matter how she feels he’d always love her. He’d always know in the depth of his soul that no one could or would ever hold a candle to her beauty, her brilliance, or her heart. It makes him feel wretched, especially knowing even his current relationship pales in comparison to the unrequited love he holds for her and her alone.

But, she’d made herself clear. She doesn’t love him. She totally and completely moved on and his only choice now is to accept that fact and reap what he sewed all those years ago. He should have told her. He should have taken the risk and jumped. And because he didn’t, here he finds himself again broken, empty, and wanting to run away from her forever. Wanting to let her be happy and let her break free from the chain that tethers them to the circles they’ve danced around each other for years.

The Q&A session is halfway over and a kind young girl stands to ask Alex a question.

“Do you have any advice for falling in love?”

Alex holds the microphone to her lips and laughs nervously. “Well…” she begins. “That’s certainly an interesting and difficult question.” She doesn’t dare make any sort of eye contact with Matt…that would be too dangerous. Yet she can _feel_ his eyes unravelling her, layer by layer, and tries to maintain her calm in front of the crowd.

Matt watches her intensely, occasionally breaking his glance at her to pretend to watch the crowd so he doesn’t completely give himself away. He’s both terrified and intrigued to hear her answer. She will, of course, bend her answer to her current love life with her betrothed. She will keep her answer vague but endearing, as she always has done with her fans. _She is brilliant that way,_ he thinks.

“Falling in love can be both…exciting and terrifying,” Alex starts. “There is no one true answer, because it’s all dependent on the individual people.” She pauses, contemplating her next words. “It’s a lot like comparing animals to each other.” The crowd laughs in response and she laughs along with them before she continues. “No, no, let me explain my point. There are animals…like tigers, for instance…that are known to be beautiful and sleek but deadly. If you compare them with people, they’ll sink their teeth into your heart only because they know no better.”

The crowd sits in silence. “Okay, just stay with me here, I promise I have a point,” she chuckles again, garnering a few from the audience as well.

“And then there are animals like elephants.” Matt’s head nearly pops off with how quickly he snaps to her attention. “The elephant is one of, if not _the_ largest in the animal kingdom. But they’re also the most kind, and gentle, and caring. Something you might think can do a lot of damage, in fact only is capable of love.”

Matt swallows back the lump in his throat, again, for the hundredth time in three days.

“So I guess my point is this: it takes learning. It takes a bad experience or two, sometimes, to learn that the elephant is better suited for you than the tiger. It takes patience. Be smart about it. And even if you find the right person, it’s still hard. But always, always, be kind. Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right. Allow yourself to take a risk…but always keep one eye open. And, lastly…I was given this quote that sort of resonates with me on a deeply personal level: If you have to take sides with the animals…do it with one who is kind. ”

He nearly falls out of his chair. His head is spinning. He doesn’t know how to make heads or tails of what she said but _clearly_ he’s made some impact on her. His mouth is dry for the remainder of the session and he feels a bit removed from everything, wondering if he should talk to her more or just…let it go. He’s still thinking and wondering when Karen nudges him and he realizes the festivities are over. In a flash of a moment, he realizes he simply _cannot_ let it go. Not this time. Not again. That was his mistake before and has been his undoing ever since. He rationalizes that even if she can’t or won’t choose him, he still has to talk to her…make her understand that his intentions were only ever pure and that her happiness, above all else, is the only thing that matters to him. His eyes scan the room as he seems to have already lost her. He dashes off the stage in search of her with Karen wearily eyeing him from behind.

Alex was hurried off the stage before she got the chance to catch Matt to tell him she needed to talk with him. And now, as her eyes dart around desperately, she cannot find him. Suddenly, she sees him scurrying about, as if he’s looking for someone or something. She plops her mic pack in the sound tech’s hands and races to catch him before she loses him again. She’s able to grab him from behind by the arm, and he whirls around to catch her gaze before visibly relaxing.

“I need to talk with you,” they both say in practical unison before each smiling shyly. The moment couldn’t have been written any better.

“Come with me,” he says quietly and grabs her by the hand, carefully leading her to an area more private, skipping behind their curtain again for even more added privacy. They stand now in front of each other, waiting to see who will speak first.

“Ok I’ll start,” Matt says. “Listen, Alex…I need you to know something. I was mortified after last night.” She shifts uncomfortably, as this is not how she wanted the conversation to begin. “But,” he continues and takes a deep breath. “I should’ve told you. All those years ago. Whether you rejected me or not I should’ve just _told_ you how I felt. Instead I got scared and buggered it all up. And I’m sorry. Really, very, sorry. And the truth is you’re right – we’ve both moved on and we’re at totally different points in our lives now. I respect that, I respect you and I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me. But…know that I will always love you, deep in here,” his voice cracks as he points to his heart. “Just like I always have.”

Without warning she places her hands on his chest and lifts her heels, reaching her mouth up to kiss him. Her hands move upward to either side of his cheeks, mimicking his hands from the previous night. Only this kiss is soft, slow, and loving, like she is trying to speak poetry into his mouth without words. He is surprised…shocked, really. His hands gently grip the backs of her upper arms so he can touch her in _some_ way. His lips meet her rhythm, melodic and slow, and it’s only when they hear someone clearing their throat do they jump away from each other in surprise.

With arms crossed, Karen approaches the two of them like a teacher about to scold two children. “I knew it,” she says directly. “I knew something was happening with you two.”

“Karen, I-”

“No!” she interrupts Matt firmly. “You listen. Both of you. You forget I’ve been down this road before with the both of you. And it left you both in pieces. And that was _then_. Now you have somebody,” she iterates as she pokes Matt in the center of his chest with her finger. “And _you_ have somebody too,” pointing at Alex. “You two have circled around each other for so long and one of you always gets hurt. But ask yourself if either of you have thought about who else you might  be hurting.”

Matt and Alex look to each other in bashful embarrassment.

“You know I love you both and I’ll _be there_ for you both, but – it’s not just about you this time. So do us all a favor and figure it out.” Karen turns and stalks away, leaving Matt and Alex bewildered and shocked – both at being told off by her and at the lingering feelings of the kiss.

Alex worries her lower lip and turns back to him. “Matt,” she starts.

“It’s okay,” he interrupts softly. “I know what kind of kiss that was, love. And it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. Just promise me you’ll be happy with him.”

She could cry at his sincerity, his unwavering love for her in the midst of her breaking his heart. But at the very least, she owes him one thing. “I lied last night. I did love you then, and it was also my fault for being scared and not taking the chance to be with you. And… I do love you, now, still. And part of me probably always will. But…” she hesitates and barely whispers out her next words. “I can’t be with you.” She bites back the tears that threaten to fall, but cannot control the wavering in her voice. “Do you understand?”

Matt nods his head slowly and finally lifts his gaze from the hole he burned into the ground. His eyes are prime with unshed tears, and his jaw flexes tightly. Every inch of him wants to fall apart. But he can’t. He has to be strong for her.

“I know, Alex. I understand.” He watches her closely and sniffles, trying to compose himself. “I hope this doesn’t happen every time I come ‘round you, what – every 5 years or so?” he says with a cracked voice but laughs, and so does she and already he feels just a touch lighter.

“As long as you keep coming around.” It’s a statement but also a question and a plea – begging with him not to disappear from her life completely, even as a friend.

His smile is bittersweet. “Do me a favor, Alex.” He pauses, like he’s unsure, before straightening his shoulders upright and throwing himself into the wind, jumping. “Don’t forget what you said on that stage earlier. Keep one eye open, yeah?”

She closes the space between them once more and places her lips to his cheek softly, pressing a tender kiss against his skin that lingers. Wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck, she moves her lips close to his ear to issue a whisper that he will carry with him for the rest of his life.

“Special things deserve remembering. And an elephant always remembers _everything_.”


End file.
